"No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar".

Abe Lincoln (Not a drinking quote, just need to know when drinking)

 

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning thats as good as they're going to feel all day." -Frank Sinatra

 

"Manhattens are like womens breast, 1 is not enough and 3 is to many"

Grandma Pleimann

 

"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools." -Ernest Hemingway"

 

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."--Benjamin Franklin

 

"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her." -W.C. Fields

 

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?" --Stephen Wright

 

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." -Dave Barry

 

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.--"Henny Youngman

 

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver," --Jack Handy

 

All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer. --Homer Simpson

 

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. --Dean Martin

 

I drink to make other people interesting. --George Jean Nathan

 

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. --Dave Barry

 

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. --Deep Thought, Jack Handy

 

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. --Winston Churchill

 

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. --Ernest Hemingway

 

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. --Frank Zappa

 

Alcohol, the cause and solution to all of life's problems. --Homer Simpson

 

"Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one." --Homer Simpson

 

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. --Humphrey Bogart

 

Why don't we get drunk, and screw? --Jimmy Buffett

 

The Pope doesn't recognize the Protestants, Christians don't recognize Islam, and Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store. --Old Southern Saying

 

They're sharing a drink they call loneliness, but it's better than drinking alone. --Billy Joel

 

Chris: "Can I get you a beer, Dad?" Jeff: "No, I want to get him a beer!" Jack: "Kids, kids. You can BOTH get me a beer." --The Pleimann's

 

"Give me oysters and beer, for dinner every day of the year, and I'll be fine..." --Jimmy Buffett

 

He makes Martinis just the way I like them....full of alcohol. --Homer Simpson

 

The liver is evil and deserves to be punished. -- T-shirt in Vegas

 

"Give my people plenty of beer, good beer and cheap beer, and you will have no revolution" --Queen Victoria

 

when i was a child i played with childish things,now that i am a man i get drunk and do childish things. Jon Bush

 

I had the right to remain silent.......but I didn't have the ability. --Ron White

 

I wasn't drunk in Public. I was drunk in a bar. They THREW me into Public. --Ron White

 

"C'mon, lets go drink 'til we can't feel feelings anymore." - Peter Griffin

 

Peter (Family Guy): No Lois, I'm not drunk, I'm just exhausted from staying up and drinking all night

 

"Don't drink and drive....you might spill!" -Unknown

 

Spilling your beer is the worst form of alcohol abuse -- Author unknown

 

The difference in a drunk and an alcoholic is ,an alocoholic goes to meetings .I must be a drunk

 

I don't have a drinking problem, except when I can't get a drink. - Tom Waits

 

The best kind of beer is free and cold- my dad

 

"The whole world is three drinks behind." H Bogart

 

If you give a man a fish you will have kept him from hunger for a day. If you teach a man to fish he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day

 

"Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupis... one of those two doesn't sound right."- Mitch Hedberg

 

Sam: "What would you like, Normie"?

Norm: "A reason to live, Give me another beer". - Cheers

 

"Work is the curse of the drinking class" Oscar Wilde